Another Round

Being afraid to try something new is common. Most of the time it turns out not to be so bad. We like it or we succeed at something new. But what about having to retry something you failed at once before? Now that can be truly terrifying! There’s extra pressure because it’s already knocked you down once. You’re afraid it will get the best of you again. You’re afraid that you haven’t grown or learned something that would help you finally overcome it. You wonder if you’re still stuck in “the same.” Personally that causes a lot of anxiety in me. I had to reface a challenge this summer. The first time I tried this challenge I walked in feeling quite confident. Let’s just say it dragged me outside. It put a serious dent in my beliefs…what I believed I could overcome… In what I believed were my strengths… what I had to offer….Who I was. My brain had always been something I was extremely confident in my whole life. Maybe I wasn’t the prettiest or most cool person growing up but I was always one who could rely on my work. Yet this challenge pretty much had “you’re stupid” repeating over and over in my mind. For a while there that voice won. I hit a low. I couldn’t face it again because it took a big piece of my confidence. Confidence that I was so used to being there. My “brains” presence had been a security blanket. Now that it was ripped off of me I kind of just sank into this sad bubble. I didn’t want to do it again because I didn’t want to feel stupid. But I realized not facing it again was me being stupid. I was letting this hold me back. I had to learn how to beat it. I couldn’t just let it win. I redid it and I’m waiting on results. Now I’m not entirely sure yet if I’ve “scored/won” this challenge according to their score sheet BUT the effort I put in was something I was proud of. I was proud of my work again. To me it was a win… I won this round with my mental insecurity. Don’t get me wrong it’s an ongoing battle now. I do find myself sometimes doubting my capabilities BUT I remind myself that capabilities grow every day. The list of what we can accomplish never ends… it’s continuing. Some challenges may take a while to face and we may have to face them more than once. No matter the outcome, facing our challenges is an accomplishment. We learn. We face. We charge. Fighting for ourselves. Always bringing back our fists up for another round!

Fighting for herself,

B.B.

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