I lost someone around a week ago, someone I considered family. One incident on a rainy day changed everything. I haven’t written because I hadn’t been able to put into words what I’ve been feeling lately. Most of all it was a back and forth of hope and sadness… Fighting back my feeling of dread with any hope of change. Each a tug back-and-forth in a twisted game of tug-of-war. My faith was challenged when his journey of fighting ended. I felt unfairness and I was angry because of it. The question of why was constant. “Why him? Why did this happen? Why couldn’t he just had opened his eyes and cracked a joke?”However asking these types of questions becomes torturous….They don’t change anything. There’s still a part of me that hasn’t fully accepted that he’s gone… I still expect to see him in the morning doing some task because he could never stand still. When a wave of sadness washes over me I do my best to remind myself he’s free from pain…that this was not a goodbye rather a see you later. I tell myself that the best thing I could do to honor him in my life is by trying to be as close to the amount of selflessness that he was. He was always helping anybody even if they didn’t know they needed help themselves. Even if he didn’t know you, he always gave a hand. I miss him and that’s never going to stop... but as I read ,“Be the things you loved most about the people who are gone.” That’s how I’ll carry a piece of him with me everyday by being as generous as he was.
Grateful for The Time I Had With Him,