Deprived

This year I began working out more often and trying to make healthier choices. As you can tell no I am no gym addict and I love food. Yet I try because it makes me feel energized. I told my mom that I felt working out never really stuck before because I always felt it was a punishment. That it was something someone was making me do. Now I do what I want and I find stuff I like to do. I wish in the past I would’ve found activities I liked instead of turning to unsafe things that I tried. Those things were the true punishments I was putting on my body. I felt it was important to share my experience in hope that it makes people reconsider doing unhealthy things for the body they want. Especially the young girls who are in that phase that I was…. insecure…. my body changing but no so much like other girls….therefore I was willing to try anything. There was one point in my life, I want to say around ending middle school or beginning of High School, where I began to really cut down on what I ate. You see people were going through puberty and while others were losing “baby fat” I wasn’t! I figured maybe my body needed a jumpstart to start shedding that weight? Therefore I decided skipping meals was a solution and if I did eat…it was hardly anything. I would use stress or being super busy in order to limit my interactions with food. I wasn’t near to having the total amount of nutrients my body needed. I thought I was cutting my intake safely. I figured that as long as I had a-few bites a day…it would keep me from being sick. Well let’s just say I began to have stomach pains and I was constantly feeling light headed. One night my body had enough. I was crying nonstop from this sharp pain in my stomach. Imagine a dagger just twisting and jabbing at the same spot in your stomach. I remember clutching my stomach in bed and crying nonstop. My parents took me to the emergency room in the middle of the night. I remember them taking my blood to run labs. I remember them taking me in for scans. The doctors told my parents I had bad eating habits because my body was lacking nourishment. They were questioning me about what I would eat… when. I remember them hooking me up to IV bags which made me feel extremely nauseous. They were just trying to put in what my body needed when I had made the choice to deprive it. I remember the doctor emphasizing to my parents about making me eat at set times so they could be sure I would get the nutrients needed… I didn’t even want to admit what I had been doing so I blamed it on my schedule…. I was a busy student yada yada.… but looking back I was the one playing games with my body… Plus after that, the very little weight I did lose just came back on and some. The pain in my stomach was not worth it. Pushing that pain to the point of the emergency room…What was I expecting? To live a “thinner” life with that pain? That eating the way would be a permanent lifestyle? I was blinded by my desperate want to be thin. I wasn’t helping myself…. I was hurting myself. I was hurting the one thing that carried me throughout life…MY BODY. My body does so much for me yet I chose to hurt it…. I’ve talked to many women who have had similar experiences or even more drastic such as bulimia… anorexia…. I used to think well at least I never went “that far” BUT it’s already too far if you’re depriving yourself in a way that results in any harm. My Blossoms we have to make sure we continue on with our mission of self love. That we show the next generation of people there’s no need to turn to measures that harm us. Our body is not the enemy and we shouldn’t turn on ourselves like this. We shouldn’t deprive ourselves….. We should only do what makes us feel good and add to the love we have for ourselves!

No Longer Depriving,

Blossoming Beauty

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