I’m a Six?

As a woman it’s inevitable that at least once in your life you’ll hear a negative response to your physical features… that you don’t have the right body type… the right facial feature etc… point being that you’re not what graces the cover of a magazine. Now as I am older, more in tune with my confidence, I tend to have more of a back bone about it. If I’m not ones cup of tea I can respect that. Yet, if someone is about rudely putting me down I’ll gladly tell them to fuck off. However when I was younger I’ll admit that those comments really dug deep into me. They carried a lot of weight when I judged myself or fought so hard for validation that I was “pretty.” I have a specific memory in mind. I was a sixth grader in middle school and it was all about making a “ranking” chart of everyone in class. Yup… ranking everyone on looks. Well I remember that I would always avoid looking at them because I knew in a way it was self sabotage off the bat…. I was super uncomfortable with myself at that age. I mostly felt not pretty in that phase of my life because while everyone was starting to get crushes… let’s just say no one was having crushes on me. Anyway back to the memory, those lists were passed around all the time. One day this “popular” guy made a list of every girl in my English period and got every guy to do it. Everyone was snickering and laughing so there I went to see the list. The ranking was 1-10…. 10 obviously being the most beautiful. I remember most of my scores from my classmates were more on the 1-4 spectrum. Surprisingly though I clung onto my highest…. a 6. I thought it was positive of me to cling onto that number versus my lowest… what a sick twisted way for a young girl to cling on to a number for any sense of confidence! I remember thinking well at least someone thinks I’m not that ugly!!! “That ugly” that’s not how one should think about their self! Why did I let some little boys decide my “beauty fate!” Why did I think that it was nice of someone to rank me a six?! That a stupid number could help me feel better about myself?! If I could talk to that version of me I would tell myself how that list meant nothing! That the whole world has different perspectives on beauty but the only one worth hearing was my own! Was my heart full of good intention? Was I kind? Was I hard working? Yes! So I was a beautiful human being and that was what mattered! Physical beauty is greatly focused on but if your a shitty human being what do you really have when it fades? Besides to the people who really would matter in my life I was a ten! They would be the ones to see me for the entire package… what I had to give to the world! I would have also told myself to stop comparing myself to other girls…. they were not the enemy because they were “prettier.” The enemy was my self destructive thoughts from comparing myself to other girls or celebrities. To instead work on self love and the empowerment of women! So from this “six” I just have to say Blossoms that we are all capable of being 10s it’s just on ourselves to act and be confident that we are! It’s up to ourselves not anyone else! I know there’s days we may not feel that way but to me my Blossoms you’ll always be tens! I believe in ones own power to show off to the world who they are! How amazing they are! So start believing this as well and act like the 10 you are too! It’s definitely a work in constant progress but the self love/esteem that you gain as well as deserve to have is highly worth it!

One thought on “I’m a Six?

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  1. Oh wow! Something about middle school days. I fell short of confidence in the sixth grade as well. I’m more comfortable with who I am today. This was a great post. Thanks for sharing. In middle school, we had a ranking list too , I think I was a 3.

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