Six months…

A lot can happen in six months… its half a year…to some that may seem to be a long time. Yet there’s times where I feel only a week has passed and I have to remind myself it’s already the next month! Why is six months relevant? Well two years ago on November 9th my grandfather was given only six months left to live… at best. After that diagnosis, six months seemed like nothing…. six months…. what could we do in six months… what couldn’t we do. How do you fit the rest of your life into just six months?!! Those were the hardest months on our family. They were slipping through our fingers no matter how hard we tried to hold on to them. I was in college and I just remember thinking… my graduation… he wasn’t going to see me…his first grandchild, the first in our family to go to college graduate. I had always imagined him to be a part of that. I know some people will think it sounds like I’m making it about me but you see he’s always been around for me so the thought that he wouldn’t be there to see what I considered a type of big life moment it was devastating. You see my graduation was what hurt most because that was so close in reach… around a year… yet so far away from only the six months he had. I never told him that because I didn’t want to make him sad when we were trying to make those six months as happy as possible. I was struggling so hard to hold on to hope that a miracle would come along and keep him with us. He had his ups and downs. Everyday I was scared my phone would ring and that I wouldn’t ever get the chance to see him. To hear his laugh. To see him smile. The crazy thing is that in that moment when we as a family were pressured with carrying that deadline it actually gave me a gift. A crazy hurtful but beautiful gift. His touch with death gave me a new sense of life. You see when he was really sick he would talk about what he’d done in his life and what he hadn’t. The things he wished he would’ve done. I know it sounds cliche but he taught me life can be over in an instant. He had six months…. I thought hard about how I would’ve chosen to live those six months. Hell what had I done just in the last six months? I thought funny thing is no one knows their time… hell I could’ve ceased to exist any second before the end of those six months.That’s why now as much as I stress out I constantly remind myself to breathe. To do something I enjoy at least once a day. I never know when I won’t be able to anymore. To tell the people I love that they mean everything to me because one day I won’t get to see their faces anymore. It’s a heartbreaking thing to think but it gave me a new perspective that I’m so thankful for. I don’t want to make people sad but I want to remind people to really look at the good things at the end of the day. To do and say what they want because you don’t want a regret. Trust me this isn’t an easy lifestyle because there’s times I know I’m holding myself back….but it’s something I always work on trying not to do because we really do only have this life and we don’t know when our time here will be over. Now miracles do happen because my grandpa is still here. He saw me walk that stage and let me just say that it was the best feeling to get that moment. I was so sure it was going to be taken from me but it’s a memory I cherish so much now! He’s fighting everyday and he enjoys the little things. I enjoy the little things with him. Every time I hear him laugh about something I cherish that because it’s one of my favorite sounds. Yet I didn’t even know it till I thought I would never hear it again. So my blossoms some of the hardest things to come into your life will teach you beautiful lessons. Plus just enjoy life! There are so many things that yes do go wrong or not as expected but you can’t control everything. You can only control how you take it and what memory you choose to retain. Especially after we reached those six months, we just enjoyed being with him day by day! Fill yourself up with good memories that will make you think “Damn I’m living my life!”

This is dedicated to my grandfather Sulpicio! May we always make the best use of our time together and just make the best memories! Thank you for not just bringing back to life all the plants I brought to the edge of death because I have no green thumb BUT for also giving me a better sense of life and the kind of attitude I want to face it with!

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