What is an insecurity? An insecurity is defined as anything that makes one uncertain of oneself. It can be physical, emotional, or mental. It’s funny because as a thicker woman most people assume my biggest insecurity will be a physical part of my body or the number on my scale. It’s not. My insecurity is a mentality that has come and gone. Back in my past I allowed one boy’s statement make me incredibly insecure about my personality… whether I was likeable. I gave him a power that now I have thankfully learned to take back into my control. He told people he dumped me because I was BORING. Well after hearing that I remember really breaking myself apart. I felt I was uninteresting and plain. I panicked and started blaming anything that didn’t go according to what I thought on the fact that I was boring. I would try so hard to do what was “cool” and sometimes I just made myself look so dumb! I was losing the real me, my real personality trying to satisfy other cliques of people. It took around a year to get myself to stop acting out on that insecurity. To find a place where I was happy with my characteristics. However later on another boy in college I was talking to told me that he just didn’t think I was interesting enough and that I pretty much contributed nothing to conversation… when he said that it all came back! I could hear my Ex in my head laughing and saying I told you so! I am boring I thought and again I began to pick myself apart. I remember times where I’d ask my sister if I was boring when my self esteem was particularly low and she would just assure me how wrong that was. She would point out the positives of my personality when I couldn’t for myself. Now in the present once in a while there will be a time where I’ll feel insecure about myself such as thinking I’m not funny enough, talkative enough, or that whoever I’m with looks bored…. BUT the thing that helps me the most when I feel this way is to remind myself that I’m not a circus act… I wasn’t created to be someone’s entertainment… that’s what people like the Kardashians are for! Don’t get me wrong I do blog and in that way it entertains people but I do it more than anything to share and help people realize they’re not alone in their feelings or life experiences. I do it because I ENJOY IT not because I have to write stuff for others. Getting back to the point, I’m just here to be Daisy and for the RIGHT people that will be Enough! Plus maybe to those guys I wasn’t exciting enough BUT to be honest they weren’t exactly walks in the park either. The things they said were meant to hurt me and they may be similar phrases from two different people BUT they were words filled with spite at the time. This is how I know they’re not true! Obviously they saw me as interesting since they had originally got involved with me. Therefore there must of been something of my personality that attracted them…it just didn’t work out. If one positive came from that statement it was that while I did some dumb things trying too hard to be “cool” I actually ended up stepping out of my comfort zone. Which even resulted in finding stuff I actually enjoy now… such as dancing in public and not just in my room alone like the past me. I also tell myself hey I have friends… those who invite me to things because they must like it when I’m around. Therefore I remind myself to breathe and not let that insecurity back into my mind. To stop it from ruining the awesome Daisy I am and continue growing to be. At least that’s what I like to think. Plus I know I’m not alone… we all yearn to be liked for who we are.. I know some of you are like Hell no IDGAF! But I’m sure there was at least one moment we all had where we wanted someone to like who we are so badly… to fit in. This is my biggest insecurity and it’s something I have to work harder on than my body positivity. It’s reinforcing my self love and not letting his statement come back to have power over me. To know that I’m not boring… no one has the power to say you’re boring. We all have people who like us. We may not all vibe together but we all have our groups of people who like,support, and love us. We’re all unique so we’re not boring. Work on loving yourself just as I continue to do! Boring?…..no Blossoms that is not an adjective we will allow to describe ourselves. More like Bad Ass! Continue reminding yourself of that just as I do!
Loving & Strutting